It’s true that nothing in this world has made me feel weaker than being a foster mom. This journey has sanctified me more than I like to admit on most days.
Two days before I got the call about June from DHR- I looked at my husband and said, “We’re done taking children.”
I had been burned by the system. I had suffered too many heartbreaks. I was tired, weary, and losing heart. I felt like I wasn’t making a difference anymore and selfishly I was done loving babies who were just going to get taken from me.
Then I was reminded of God’s truth. I must not look to what is seen. I must take my physical eyes and transform them to spiritual eyes and focus on the eternal. I must continue to fight the good fight. I must leave my comfort and step right into the brokenness because that’s where Jesus is mirrored. I must die to self everyday and pour out my love for the vulnerable expecting nothing in return.
So, there we went again. We didn’t give up. We welcomed a 2 pound baby girl into our home, loving her with our palms wide open, patiently waiting for the ultimate judge to write her story. The cuddles were the best. There were nights I stayed up all night just rocking her and kissing her forehead over and over again until my lips were sore.
This was not the plan I had for my life.
But it was His.
And I am forever grateful.
And real talk: sometimes I throw myself a pity party- regretting this hard life that I stepped into. It usually comes all at once and I’ll spend days in tears. Angry with the brokenness of the system, longing for the kids that I’ve had to mourn, and wishing that some how I could escape this hard reality and return to what is “normal”.
(Some words inspired by Foster The Family blog)
But then I remember.
“Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have”. – John Piper
Because it’s so worth it. The people that are involved are worth it. The God we serve is most certainly worth it so I will die to myself. I give it all in surrender. All my dreams and all my plans. My life is Yours, use it as You wish.
So I encourage you, in light of recent events, to do something. You may not be called to foster care but you may be called to orphan care in some way, and everybody can do something. We need Christian homes to put in the work and become licensed. We need respite families to help provide relief to foster parents. We need people who can do yard work, make diaper runs, or send a family a meal who has had a long day in court. I encourage you to consider finding a family and walk alongside them on their journey. I can’t promise you it will be easy, but I can promise you that it will be worth it.
C.J. Brown
Equipping Foster Parents for Gracious Advocacy Series, Part I